Chapter 3 of The Search for Significance
False Belief - I must meet certain standards to feel good about myself.
Consequences - The fear of failure; perfectionism; drive to succeed;
manipulation of others to achieve success; withdrawal from
healthy risks.
Any of this sound familiar? This was a hard chapter for me.
Colossians 2:8 - Beware lest any man spoil you through philosophy and vain deceit, after the tradition of men, after the rudiments of the world, and not after Christ.
Here are a few truths that struck me:
1) A primary deception all of us tend to believe is that success will bring fulfillment and happiness.
2) Perfectionists usually base their self-worth on their ability to achieve a goal. Therefore, failure is a threat that is totally unacceptable to them.
3) The pressure of having to meet self-imposed standards in order to feel good about ourselves can results in a rules-dominated life. The focus of the Christian life should be on Christ, not self-imposed regulations.
Key areas in Performance Trap
1) Perfectionism - perfectionists often appear to be highly motivated but their motivations usually come from a desperate
attempt to avoid the low self esteem that they experience when they fail.
2) Avoidance of Risks - we can't fail what we don't try!
3) Anger and Resentment - when we fail, we look for others to blame.
4) Pride
5) Depression
6) Addiction to Success
7) Identity
entangled w/Success - what good is success if other people
don't know about it?
Fear of Failure Test - how afraid of failure are you?Read each of the following statements; then, from the top of the test, choose the term that best describes your response. Put the # above that term in the blank beside each statement:
1 - Always
2- Very Often
3- Often
4 - Sometimes
5- Seldom
6 - Very seldom
7- Never
__1. Because of fear, I often avoid participating in certain activities.
__2. When I sense that I might experience failure in some important area, I become nervous and anxious.
__3. I worry.
__4. I have unexplained anxiety.
__5. I am a perfectionist.
__6. I am compelled to justify my mistakes.
__7. There are certain areas in which I feel I must succeed.
__8. I
become depressed when I fail.
__9. I become angry with people who interfere with my attempts to succeed and, as a result, make me
appear incompetent.
__10. I am self critical.
Total up your score __
If your score is:
57-70: God has given you a very strong appreciation for His love and unconditional acceptance. You seem to be freed from the fear of failure that plagues most people.
47-56: Fear of failure controls your responses rarely or only in certain situations.
37-46: When you experience emotional problems, they may relate to a sense of failure or to some form of criticism. You can probably relate many of your previous decisions to this fear. Many future decisions will be made the same way unless you take direction to overcome this.
27-36: Fear of failure forms a general backdrop to your life. There are probably few days that you are not affected in some way by this fear. Unfortunately, this robs you of the job and peace your salvation is meant to bring.
0-26: Experiences of failure
dominate your memory and have probably resulted in a great deal of depression. These problems will remain until some definitive action is taken. This condition will not simply disappear; time alone cannot heal this pain. You need to experience deep healing in your self concept, in your relationship w/God and with others.
I scored in the 37-46 range and could really relate with a lot of the examples (I guess that is why I am reading the book!).
I'll leave you with this final quote - The more sensitive you become to the fear of failure and the problems it may cause, the more you will understand your own behavior as well as that of others.
My prayer is that I can identify why I am afraid to fail, give that to God and fully experience the joy and peace of our salvation.
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